goodbye?

Its funny how stars shoot through the sky, so beautiful and awe inspiring, nobody considers the consequences, nobody contemplates the destruction that may be left behind. Its human nature to be blinded by such beauty and our own human nurture to worry that once that beauty has touched our dirty, worthless faces it could easily be taken away.
We all want something beautiful, and i wish i was beautiful. What makes me beautiful also makes me ugly ironically.

And is it really better to have felt such sunshine in your life, and in your heart and in your smile and within every fibre of your soul when it felt like it was only there for a split second? Within a blink of an eye it has dissapeared.Was it real or was it all just a dream?Dreams were never that sweet.
How did i end up caring so much? My ability to love cripples me at times. I never asked for this, i never asked to feel this way. Well...not in so many words. We all wish to be touched by angels. Maybe we should start specifiying for how long?I wasnt looking for anything, yet it felt like i had found everything. And now theres nothing. Just me and my newly acquired emptiness and i cant sleep in a quiet room anymore.
Funny how i just walked away from 3&1/2 years of emotional confusion, relatively unscathed, straight into a dream that i honestly believed that i could remain in.
But dreams dont provoke such colourful thoughts, such contentment, or so i thought... and with words as beautiful as star dust, is it any wonder you set me on fire?
I carry your words around in my heart but did they really come from your heart? I still believe they did but how can your soul exist without its shadow?I dont want to feel this cold thats all around me. I dont want to feel this sad, or cry for someone i havent even met.
I guess in writing this i gain the shocking clarity that i really shouldnt care so much. But i thought it was a beautiful thing to find myself caring so deeply for someone i had yet to meet. I thought it was beautiful that you could touch me in that way.
It was so suprising, so out of the blue, so unexplainable. And i believe that the most beautiful things in this world are the things that can not be explained. Like beauty, humour and love. Who can explain what people find beautiful, humourous or worthy of their hearts? That notion is so bittersweet....
As is the fact that i could feel you, so strongly, even so far away. Maybe its time i pulled my head out of the clouds and grew up? I dont know. My mind had planted seeds of you in all my immediate future and yeah i might be crazy but i believe/believed in fairytales. And no matter how often i see the world through sad eyes I hold onto the hope and strive for a fairytale.We are all products of our circumstances and situations. Seeds that grow in loveless gardens, well, fruits of such will bitter be.I want to break free of that... Maybe that is why i have the capacity to love the way i do and the capacity to fuck things up simultaneously.
I can always measure my happiness by the stars. When you stole my heart and i looked upto the sky, i found that the stars were so close that they touched my face. Now when i look up they feel so infinitely far away. I feel so small.I wanted to write you something beautiful because you are beautiful, even when you have left me needing stitches in my heart. You can keep my heart, its yours anyway, i wont need it haha.
Least now you know, and at least now i may be able to get some sleep.