Compassion, Empathy, and an acute awareness of Humanity
I find nothing more beautiful than someone that can feel the world around them, that can emotionally identify with many different faces, gender, races, species.
And one that sees that no matter what differences we all bear, we all have a soul and a heart and that should be nurtured and cared for.
I find beautiful the people who are against any type of crime against human nature because it just seems unnatural to them, alien to them, not within their nature to inflict pain onto others knowingly.
People that have deep seated morals regarding human nature and nurture. People who carry the weight of injustice on their own shoulders when crimes against human nature occur.
These types of people are rare nowadays which is why they are all the more beautiful too me.
Passion and Conviction
I find anyone whose heart burns and nearly explodes at the inability to comprehend not sharing their message beautiful.
I admire conviction, the inability to give up what they started, to stand by what is in their heart and make it heard to others.
To truly believe in themselves as a messenger of their message.
To give every fibre of their entity to what they believe in, that is true passion and conviction too me.
And it is out of this world beautiful.
Soul
Someone that can lay bare all that they are, all that they see in and around their lives, study it and think deeply about it on many different levels.
Someone that can express the bad and the terminally ugly aspects of the world in a heart breaking beautiful way.
Eyes that tell a thousand stories
Eyes that can say everything without a single word passing the lips.
Eyes that show true happiness, joy, excitement, wonder, amazement, despair, compassion, hurt etc.
Eyes that are so intense that the whole world dissapears on looking into them.
Eyes like these really are windows to the soul.
A voice filled with passion
I find incredibly beautiful a voice, whether it be singing or speaking, that is filled with emotion, with passion.
A voice that comes from the heart.
A voice that pierces through your inner core.
A voice that makes you take notice.
A voice that makes you cry.
A voice that makes you spin round inside your head haha.
Music and Art
Music and Art are beautiful.
Any deep expression that doesnt involve speaking is truly amazing.
To move someone through random notes or lines put together is truly wonderous.
When a picture or a piece of music say what words could never say that is a truly beautiful gift.
God i love this world at times. Its astoundingly amazing.
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
Sunday, 27 January 2008
The best night of my entire life
Ohmygod tonight was the most perfect night ever. My mind is racing so fast it will be hard to describe everything that occured but i will try.
Got to Manchester at about 8.30pm, which was later than we had planned. Missed the opening act but i have no clue who was supporting anyway so it didnt really matter. When we got into The Academy it was already packed we made our way as far to the front as people would allow us. We ended up about 10 heads away from the front, dead centre, but some really tall guy, like 6'4 was blocking our view. I saw an opening and dragged my best friend Baz through, some guy got really shirty and started yelling at me even though i had said excuse me and there was a gap. He was giving me shit eyes and yelling "Why?" LOL. Other friends Baz and Lauren tried to get through but the asshole guy wouldnt let them so we lost them for the whole gig.
By now it was about 9pm and because of the other reviews i had read from previous nights on the 30STM Uk tour i didnt expect them to come on stage till 9.45pm. I also was expecting a 45 minute set and no songs from the self titled album to be played. As that was what occured the previous nights. How wrong was i????
They came onto the stage at approximately 9.15. O Fortuna was playing whilst there were 30stm logo holograms being projected onto red flags and slowly behind those flags we could make out the shadows of the band. The crowd were going wild and i was so excited, i havent felt such a rush for a long time.
The curtain/flag things went up to reveal the band and they went straight into Battle of One, everyone was going mental, Jareds voice was fucking amazing im in awe of the power and passion he has in his voice. Its incredible.
After "Battle of One" he told the audience he had spent all of the day vomiting in a hotel room and was sick but that he was gonna do his best and try and put on a good show. When he said this i felt slightly saddened that he was sick because it only confirmed in my head that it would be a 45 minute set. It didnt occur to me that they started at 9.15pm so they would be finishing extremely early if it was only 45minutes.
I thank every God, and every planet that alligned tonight , anything that needs thanking that made them play for 1hour 15 minutes, maybe it was even more than that but i was so lost floating around in musical heaven to even acknowledge the time.
My friend Baz was stood directly behind me the whole gig and he took most of my videos for me cause i have a habit of dancing and wriggling around to much to ever get a good shot of whats happening on the stage. I generally spend all concerts on my tip toes cause im only regular height so on my tip toes i can see over peoples heads.
Tonight though Baz was wearing his new "New Rock" boots so he suggested that i stand on them as they are steel toe capped, so i spent all night stood on the front of his boots with him holding onto me with one hand whilst videoing with the other hehe. God I love him.
Next i think they played "Saviour". I could be wrong though. I will have to check the setlist but from what i remember it went a little something like this:
Battle of One, Savior, From Yesterday, Beautiful Lie, and then......
I heard some strange noises and my head was frantically trying to put the noises to a song and then it began... "this is the life on mars" and i was like "Holy shit!!! Its "Buddah for Mary" and i think i probably squeeled, jumped around on Bazs shoes haha and then was overjoyed that a song of the first album was being played. I fucking loved it.
Jared had such a stage presence. He spent the majority of the night with his arms in the air in a "Fuck yeah i am God" pose haha or spinning around with his guitar. He looked really swarve too. He had his hair slicked back and was wearing a nice white shirt and lots of eyeliner. I couldnt believe i was actually seeing 30 Seconds to Mars in the flesh, i kept having to pinch myself and Im sure i had the stupidest grin on my face throughout the entire gig.
Next they played "The Kill"and the whole crowd went wild. I came out in goosebumps all over my body and i actually thought i was gonna cry. His voice echoed throughout my soul and shook me to the core. It was amazing. He actually sang the majority of the song too, i had read that he generally lets the crowd sing it but not tonight. And i was so thankful for that. I was singing my little heart out haha. He dived into the crowd after the oooh oooh oooh oooh bit and people were grabbing at him but he didnt stay there for long haha. I got a really good look at his face and he is a lot more beautiful in real life i think.
Next he dedicated "R-Evolve to "The Echelon" and thanked them for there support over the years. I got goosebumps again when he sang the "Does it feel like we've never been alive" bit. Dont know why but that line always brings me out in a shiver.
I think "The Story" was next although i am probably wrong, and then maybe attack and then there are a few songs missing in this little space, i just cant remember the order at all hahaha.
At this point i think they left the stage and i thought well thats it and i prayed it wasnt but if it had of been i would have been fully satisfied, especially cause i hadnt expected "Buddah for Mary".
I was wrong though i think they had left the stage so Jared could change guitars and play a few songs on his own kinda semi-acoustically. I say semi because he was still using an electric guitar but the rest of the band wasnt there.
He chatted to the crowd for awhile and told us we were the best city on the UK tour so far and everyone cheered. He asked us how many more songs we wanted and everyone was screaming at him and all i could here was people shouting "ten" haha and i thought good answer. He thanked us for making this show Sold out and then said "Im gonna play a song now and i will probably fuck it up but i will try!" and then he went straight into "Capricorn" and everyone cheered and i was screaming "ohmygod" at Baz and he was laughing at me. I was so fucking happy and i had goosebumps again, i especially love Jareds voice on this song, its just beautiful. That mans voice owns my soul.
I was hoping throughout the whole set that "Echelon" would be played but i wasnt really keeping my hopes up for it, i knew chances were slim to none. But once again i was amazed because he went straight from "Capricorn" into "Echelon" and i was like "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!" and he started singing and i got this fucking weird feeling throughout my whole body, like someone had walked over my grave but in a good way if that makes sense. His voice pierced through my hear tand i was completely overwhelmed at the beauty of it all. My eyes filled up with tears, tears of happiness and sheer awe. A few rolled down my cheeks as shivers went down my back. That single moment was one of the most perfect i have ever felt in my life. My words cannot do it justice.
That song ended and he left the stage and i thought that was it. And once again if it were, it was the most perfect night ever. I thought there mustnt be no signing this time because he never mentioned it. I was too happy to feel dissapointed.
The crowd were screaming for more and after a minute they came back out and took there places on the stage. All the time i was thanking every fucking thing imaginable that they were back again!!!
Some girl shouted at Jared to take his shirt off and everyone laughed but Jared must have heard and he slowly unbuttoned his top two buttons and everyone was screaming hahaha i cant remember if any of my thoughts were comprehendible at this moment. LOL
They told us they would be having a signing after the show and i was like "fuck yes!!!!" Could this night get anymore perfect?
Then it did!!! They played "The Mission" and i think i died hahaha. There was a massive mosh pit right next to me for that song but luckily no-one came near me so i was free to just mosh around. I was gutted that the batteries died in the camera at this point. Jared ended up in the crowd again for this song. he actually ended up in the crowd about four times but i cant really remember which songs.
Then, ohmyfucking God!!! They played "Hunter" and i was like no way!!!! I really didnt expect it, not at all and his voice soared and soared it was amazing. They had some cool lasers whilst this song was being played it was very atmospheric. The last song of the night was "The Fantasy" and it had an extended middle part, it seemed to go on for like 8 minutes or something not that i was complaining.
Seeing 30stm tonight was the single best musical experience of my life. It was 100% better than what i had imagined. They blew my mind. And they completely blew every other band i have seen out of the water. Even MCR.
I knew when they left the stage this time that it really was the end so me and Baz made our way over to the side we thought the signing would be on. I bought a poster for £3 which was reasonable and then we queued. The security was grabbing people and trying to make an orderly queue but it was near impossible as the whole gig wanted to get stuff signed and that was approx. 3000 people. We were shunted around for ages and we were near the front of the queue to begin with but after about 4 different moves by security we ended up near the middle haha.
I think we ended up queueing for 40minutes but it was cool. I was still buzzing from the gig and having a laugh with Baz and chatting to others in the queue. I kept glancing over to the signing table and they were all wearing Latex gloves and there seemed to be a lot of high fiving going on haha.
As we got closer it dawned on me that i was gonna be in front of them in a short while and i felt sick with nerves. I knew what i wanted to say to them but i was racked with images of me falling over when i got to the table haha or trying to speak and not succeding LOL.
Finally i was there and i passed Shannon my ticket to get signed and i said it was a really great show and thankyou and he smiled at me and said he was glad. My ticket was passed to Tomo. I stood there wondering whether to repeat what i said to Shannon to him but he spoke first and told me he loved my stars around my eyes. (they are just these little silver stick on stars that i wear at the side of my eyes) i said thankyou and felt chuffed haha. Then my ticket was passed to Jared and he scribbled on it but he was chatting to Tomo at the same time and i was like ohno!!! I felt that my oppurtunity had passed but i was like Fuck that so i stood there and began to speak. I said "Thankyou for playing "Echelon", it was beautiful and it made me cry" and he looked into my eyes (ohmygod!!!) and my heart stopped. His look was mesmerizing, it was warm and sincere. His eyes....WOW!! He said "thankyou so much that means a lot" and smiled and i smiled back and without me realising my legs were taking me away from the table!!! STUPID LEGS!! Lol.
As i walked away i was still looking into his eyes and he was still looking at me and he raised his hand and did this cute little wave. Now if this had all been in slow motion it would have felt earth shattering i think haha i would have swooned but in reality it all happened really quickly and it was just plain nice. I got approximately 5 feet away from the table and realised i got no high fives!!
I tryed to turn back and claim my high five at least off Jared as he was closest to me but i realised that ship had sailed. And to be honest i didnt need the high five. The night was absolutely perfect as it was. I feel blessed. I floated all the way home. It was the best night of my life.
I will upload my amazing videos tomorrow. Hahaha this has took me 2 hours to write!!
Got to Manchester at about 8.30pm, which was later than we had planned. Missed the opening act but i have no clue who was supporting anyway so it didnt really matter. When we got into The Academy it was already packed we made our way as far to the front as people would allow us. We ended up about 10 heads away from the front, dead centre, but some really tall guy, like 6'4 was blocking our view. I saw an opening and dragged my best friend Baz through, some guy got really shirty and started yelling at me even though i had said excuse me and there was a gap. He was giving me shit eyes and yelling "Why?" LOL. Other friends Baz and Lauren tried to get through but the asshole guy wouldnt let them so we lost them for the whole gig.
By now it was about 9pm and because of the other reviews i had read from previous nights on the 30STM Uk tour i didnt expect them to come on stage till 9.45pm. I also was expecting a 45 minute set and no songs from the self titled album to be played. As that was what occured the previous nights. How wrong was i????
They came onto the stage at approximately 9.15. O Fortuna was playing whilst there were 30stm logo holograms being projected onto red flags and slowly behind those flags we could make out the shadows of the band. The crowd were going wild and i was so excited, i havent felt such a rush for a long time.
The curtain/flag things went up to reveal the band and they went straight into Battle of One, everyone was going mental, Jareds voice was fucking amazing im in awe of the power and passion he has in his voice. Its incredible.
After "Battle of One" he told the audience he had spent all of the day vomiting in a hotel room and was sick but that he was gonna do his best and try and put on a good show. When he said this i felt slightly saddened that he was sick because it only confirmed in my head that it would be a 45 minute set. It didnt occur to me that they started at 9.15pm so they would be finishing extremely early if it was only 45minutes.
I thank every God, and every planet that alligned tonight , anything that needs thanking that made them play for 1hour 15 minutes, maybe it was even more than that but i was so lost floating around in musical heaven to even acknowledge the time.
My friend Baz was stood directly behind me the whole gig and he took most of my videos for me cause i have a habit of dancing and wriggling around to much to ever get a good shot of whats happening on the stage. I generally spend all concerts on my tip toes cause im only regular height so on my tip toes i can see over peoples heads.
Tonight though Baz was wearing his new "New Rock" boots so he suggested that i stand on them as they are steel toe capped, so i spent all night stood on the front of his boots with him holding onto me with one hand whilst videoing with the other hehe. God I love him.
Next i think they played "Saviour". I could be wrong though. I will have to check the setlist but from what i remember it went a little something like this:
Battle of One, Savior, From Yesterday, Beautiful Lie, and then......
I heard some strange noises and my head was frantically trying to put the noises to a song and then it began... "this is the life on mars" and i was like "Holy shit!!! Its "Buddah for Mary" and i think i probably squeeled, jumped around on Bazs shoes haha and then was overjoyed that a song of the first album was being played. I fucking loved it.
Jared had such a stage presence. He spent the majority of the night with his arms in the air in a "Fuck yeah i am God" pose haha or spinning around with his guitar. He looked really swarve too. He had his hair slicked back and was wearing a nice white shirt and lots of eyeliner. I couldnt believe i was actually seeing 30 Seconds to Mars in the flesh, i kept having to pinch myself and Im sure i had the stupidest grin on my face throughout the entire gig.
Next they played "The Kill"and the whole crowd went wild. I came out in goosebumps all over my body and i actually thought i was gonna cry. His voice echoed throughout my soul and shook me to the core. It was amazing. He actually sang the majority of the song too, i had read that he generally lets the crowd sing it but not tonight. And i was so thankful for that. I was singing my little heart out haha. He dived into the crowd after the oooh oooh oooh oooh bit and people were grabbing at him but he didnt stay there for long haha. I got a really good look at his face and he is a lot more beautiful in real life i think.
Next he dedicated "R-Evolve to "The Echelon" and thanked them for there support over the years. I got goosebumps again when he sang the "Does it feel like we've never been alive" bit. Dont know why but that line always brings me out in a shiver.
I think "The Story" was next although i am probably wrong, and then maybe attack and then there are a few songs missing in this little space, i just cant remember the order at all hahaha.
At this point i think they left the stage and i thought well thats it and i prayed it wasnt but if it had of been i would have been fully satisfied, especially cause i hadnt expected "Buddah for Mary".
I was wrong though i think they had left the stage so Jared could change guitars and play a few songs on his own kinda semi-acoustically. I say semi because he was still using an electric guitar but the rest of the band wasnt there.
He chatted to the crowd for awhile and told us we were the best city on the UK tour so far and everyone cheered. He asked us how many more songs we wanted and everyone was screaming at him and all i could here was people shouting "ten" haha and i thought good answer. He thanked us for making this show Sold out and then said "Im gonna play a song now and i will probably fuck it up but i will try!" and then he went straight into "Capricorn" and everyone cheered and i was screaming "ohmygod" at Baz and he was laughing at me. I was so fucking happy and i had goosebumps again, i especially love Jareds voice on this song, its just beautiful. That mans voice owns my soul.
I was hoping throughout the whole set that "Echelon" would be played but i wasnt really keeping my hopes up for it, i knew chances were slim to none. But once again i was amazed because he went straight from "Capricorn" into "Echelon" and i was like "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!" and he started singing and i got this fucking weird feeling throughout my whole body, like someone had walked over my grave but in a good way if that makes sense. His voice pierced through my hear tand i was completely overwhelmed at the beauty of it all. My eyes filled up with tears, tears of happiness and sheer awe. A few rolled down my cheeks as shivers went down my back. That single moment was one of the most perfect i have ever felt in my life. My words cannot do it justice.
That song ended and he left the stage and i thought that was it. And once again if it were, it was the most perfect night ever. I thought there mustnt be no signing this time because he never mentioned it. I was too happy to feel dissapointed.
The crowd were screaming for more and after a minute they came back out and took there places on the stage. All the time i was thanking every fucking thing imaginable that they were back again!!!
Some girl shouted at Jared to take his shirt off and everyone laughed but Jared must have heard and he slowly unbuttoned his top two buttons and everyone was screaming hahaha i cant remember if any of my thoughts were comprehendible at this moment. LOL
They told us they would be having a signing after the show and i was like "fuck yes!!!!" Could this night get anymore perfect?
Then it did!!! They played "The Mission" and i think i died hahaha. There was a massive mosh pit right next to me for that song but luckily no-one came near me so i was free to just mosh around. I was gutted that the batteries died in the camera at this point. Jared ended up in the crowd again for this song. he actually ended up in the crowd about four times but i cant really remember which songs.
Then, ohmyfucking God!!! They played "Hunter" and i was like no way!!!! I really didnt expect it, not at all and his voice soared and soared it was amazing. They had some cool lasers whilst this song was being played it was very atmospheric. The last song of the night was "The Fantasy" and it had an extended middle part, it seemed to go on for like 8 minutes or something not that i was complaining.
Seeing 30stm tonight was the single best musical experience of my life. It was 100% better than what i had imagined. They blew my mind. And they completely blew every other band i have seen out of the water. Even MCR.
I knew when they left the stage this time that it really was the end so me and Baz made our way over to the side we thought the signing would be on. I bought a poster for £3 which was reasonable and then we queued. The security was grabbing people and trying to make an orderly queue but it was near impossible as the whole gig wanted to get stuff signed and that was approx. 3000 people. We were shunted around for ages and we were near the front of the queue to begin with but after about 4 different moves by security we ended up near the middle haha.
I think we ended up queueing for 40minutes but it was cool. I was still buzzing from the gig and having a laugh with Baz and chatting to others in the queue. I kept glancing over to the signing table and they were all wearing Latex gloves and there seemed to be a lot of high fiving going on haha.
As we got closer it dawned on me that i was gonna be in front of them in a short while and i felt sick with nerves. I knew what i wanted to say to them but i was racked with images of me falling over when i got to the table haha or trying to speak and not succeding LOL.
Finally i was there and i passed Shannon my ticket to get signed and i said it was a really great show and thankyou and he smiled at me and said he was glad. My ticket was passed to Tomo. I stood there wondering whether to repeat what i said to Shannon to him but he spoke first and told me he loved my stars around my eyes. (they are just these little silver stick on stars that i wear at the side of my eyes) i said thankyou and felt chuffed haha. Then my ticket was passed to Jared and he scribbled on it but he was chatting to Tomo at the same time and i was like ohno!!! I felt that my oppurtunity had passed but i was like Fuck that so i stood there and began to speak. I said "Thankyou for playing "Echelon", it was beautiful and it made me cry" and he looked into my eyes (ohmygod!!!) and my heart stopped. His look was mesmerizing, it was warm and sincere. His eyes....WOW!! He said "thankyou so much that means a lot" and smiled and i smiled back and without me realising my legs were taking me away from the table!!! STUPID LEGS!! Lol.
As i walked away i was still looking into his eyes and he was still looking at me and he raised his hand and did this cute little wave. Now if this had all been in slow motion it would have felt earth shattering i think haha i would have swooned but in reality it all happened really quickly and it was just plain nice. I got approximately 5 feet away from the table and realised i got no high fives!!
I tryed to turn back and claim my high five at least off Jared as he was closest to me but i realised that ship had sailed. And to be honest i didnt need the high five. The night was absolutely perfect as it was. I feel blessed. I floated all the way home. It was the best night of my life.
I will upload my amazing videos tomorrow. Hahaha this has took me 2 hours to write!!
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
Black is all i feel, So this is how it feels to be free?
Tonight,
And i cried, but slowly. Like i had forgotten how to cry or something. It felt alien.
And i cried, but silently. I didn't have the energy to make my distress known.
Maybe i was under the illusion that if i made no sound then i wasn't really crying? Like a tree that falls but no-one sees it, did it really fall without the validation of observation?
Did i really fall?
Drag myself around, grasping for a hand.
Lost times, feel heavy on my heart.
Like the game of dominoes i would share with you, a bad day always blunders into the rest of my emotions and once again your memory haunts me.
Happy times, but tonight all i can feel is how much i miss you.
I miss your beautiful face, i miss how you was the one person in the world that i felt truly cared for me. Its been 11 years since you have gone but i remember you like it was yesterday.
If you are watching me are you proud of me? I've done bad things and i'm selfish and i let people down. I let myself down. Have i let you down?
I look to the sky but its too far away for me to reach. I feel insignificant.
My tears soak my heart. I wish you were here. I love you.
All i can do is strive to make you proud, i hope it will be enough.
And i cried, but slowly. Like i had forgotten how to cry or something. It felt alien.
And i cried, but silently. I didn't have the energy to make my distress known.
Maybe i was under the illusion that if i made no sound then i wasn't really crying? Like a tree that falls but no-one sees it, did it really fall without the validation of observation?
Did i really fall?
Drag myself around, grasping for a hand.
Lost times, feel heavy on my heart.
Like the game of dominoes i would share with you, a bad day always blunders into the rest of my emotions and once again your memory haunts me.
Happy times, but tonight all i can feel is how much i miss you.
I miss your beautiful face, i miss how you was the one person in the world that i felt truly cared for me. Its been 11 years since you have gone but i remember you like it was yesterday.
If you are watching me are you proud of me? I've done bad things and i'm selfish and i let people down. I let myself down. Have i let you down?
I look to the sky but its too far away for me to reach. I feel insignificant.
My tears soak my heart. I wish you were here. I love you.
All i can do is strive to make you proud, i hope it will be enough.
Monday, 14 January 2008
Whats with the fascination with the astronaut?
I lay in slumber, weary from the day and the days that came before.
I haven't slept well for days and I hear your voice, you tell me to close my eyes in a whisper and then you begin.
I let you wash over me, again and again.
The shivers down my spine consume me. I never knew it could feel like this.
I feel every inch of passion, of sadness, of longing, every second of this moment leaves me breathless.
Breathe out and i will breathe you in.
I lose myself in this notion & if i could formulate any logical thoughts I'd ask myself where you end and i begin.
You sing to me with the most beautiful and awe inspiring voice, one that my ears could only wish for the pleasure of, but its not my ears that hear you its my heart.
Your voice owns my soul, you sing me lullabies that complete the jigsaw within me.
As we float through space, it is in this majestic darkness that i can finally see.
And for the first time in a long time i fell soundly asleep.
Again and again and again and again i hear your voice in everything, nothing will ever be the same again.
I haven't slept well for days and I hear your voice, you tell me to close my eyes in a whisper and then you begin.
I let you wash over me, again and again.
The shivers down my spine consume me. I never knew it could feel like this.
I feel every inch of passion, of sadness, of longing, every second of this moment leaves me breathless.
Breathe out and i will breathe you in.
I lose myself in this notion & if i could formulate any logical thoughts I'd ask myself where you end and i begin.
You sing to me with the most beautiful and awe inspiring voice, one that my ears could only wish for the pleasure of, but its not my ears that hear you its my heart.
Your voice owns my soul, you sing me lullabies that complete the jigsaw within me.
As we float through space, it is in this majestic darkness that i can finally see.
And for the first time in a long time i fell soundly asleep.
Again and again and again and again i hear your voice in everything, nothing will ever be the same again.
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