From the past, not much has changed

Never felt so ashamed, yet so at ease, so close to death yet as though i was perfectly happy.
So frantic but yet so frozen, so numb; yet aware of the weight thats crushing me day by day.
So very alone. No-one could quite grasp this feeling, yet i have accepted it automatically.
Without a second of thought otherwise.
I am trapped.
Me,
I have become so detached lately, so very unpredictable and i have seen things.
Things that were never meant to be seen.