All that is a mystery within myself

My blog name is Shame in me,
My real name i feel is too beautiful for myself.
I am 24 on the 27th of December.
I hate my birthday.
I am a walking contradiction at times.
I am the ultimate pessimist and the ultimate optimist.
I am full of self loathing and self doubt.
I'm depressed more than i am happy.
I'm too critical of myself and not critical enough of others.
I am gullible and always believe that people have the best intentions all the time.

I can see the beauty and good within pretty much everything and everyone.

I'm beginning to regret a lot of choices i made when i was younger.
I now feel as though my life is going nowhere.
I desperately want to go back to college to study Psychology and Philosophy.
From the age of 17-22 i took a lot of different drugs every weekend.
I felt like nothing therefore i wanted to become nothing.
I DON'T regret experimenting with drugs, i experienced some of the most amazing moments and conversations on drugs.
I DO regret the fact that i have a very addictive personality and not much self control.
I regret taking them for the last two years of that era because i wasn't enjoying them and they were seriously harming me.
I have been clean for 1 year and three months.
I gave up smoking, drinking and drugs all at the same time.
That was my proudest moment.
I DO smoke and drink lightly again now as of the last two months.
I have learnt the lesson of moderation.
I have battled with anorexia and bulimia throughout my teenage years right up until this day.
I've always been shy and always found it hard to fit in and make friends.
I now have the most amazing set of friends that I could ever ask for.
They have brought me out of myself and i owe them my life.
I love music with a passion.
A wide spectrum of genres.
I play guitar, but i wish i could play piano.
I spend most of my life in daydreams.
I have bad knees and bad lungs.
I miss my grandma more than anything in the world.
I have an unhealthy obsession with shampoos and conditioners.
I love Donnie Darko.
I love Tim Burton films.
I want to visit Seattle and Russia.
I am bisexual.
I have a biting fetish.
Gerard Way's face makes sense to me. I find him incredibly beautiful.
I am self centred, selfish and secretive.
I am caring, trusting and compassionate.
I dislike violence, narrowmindedness, and a lack of humanity.
I love listening to music whilst walking.
I adore the night time and staring at the stars.
I like affection and people who stop to think of the feelings of others.
I sometimes don't think before i act but i try my best.